The Break Up Model

2011-10-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

For most people, when you say “break up” they think of a romantic relationship. Some may extend the term as far as to a friendship. What most do not realize is that there are five very distinct stages we each go through when ending any relationship, be it romantic, friendly or even familial. So distinct are these phases that a relationship model has been created to enhance our understanding of them. At the top of this model is the “Intrapsychic Process.” During this process, one begins to feel discontent with their relationship. They begin to consider the pros and cons of ending the relationship.

Following this is the “Dyadic Process.” At this point, one has seen the other person’s faults, they’ve counted the cost of staying the relationship, and now they’re confronting the person. They may or may not be hostile, but a significant amount of time will be spent discussing “the relationship.”

Next is the “Social Process.” This is when your friends become involved. A point has been reached in the relationship where there is awareness of what is wrong, the issues have been talked (or yelled) about it with the other person, and now friends and family are being called in to either help reconcile or to justify the unsatisfied person’s feelings. During this stage alliances are formed and blame is placed as each party seeks validation for their emotions and actions.

After all of this comes the “Grave Dressing Process.” When one is grave dressing, they create answers for themselves and for the onlookers. This is the part where one attempts to answer “why did this relationship end?” To some, one may attempt to save face or recreate events. To others, perhaps the whole truth is told. Either way, this process is the punctuation on the end of a relationship. This is the “it ended because…” phase.

Finally, when the relationship is over and the grave has been dressed, one moves to the “Resurrection Process.” In Resurrection, the cycle begins again. One pulls themselves up by the proverbial boot straps and prepares to start anew. Definitions for what the new relationship must or mustn’t be are set and the search for someone new begins.

Anyone who has ever actually navigated these stages will admit it isn’t cut and dry. There’s no set formula for how each person moves through the phases or even when someone will move through the stages. But we do. We all do. Because we have to.

Break Up - Break Out

The Break Up Model